Thursday, April 22, 2010

Treading water

I've been doing some healing and soul searching lately (sounds a bit hippie doesn't it). Trying to figure out who I am when I am alone (a lot happier) what I am going to do with my business... etc.

The roof still leaks at Emerald Arts. I have been unable to occupy it since early Feb as it grew a black mould that made me very sick, respiratory illnesses are not cool ya'll.

Everything has been packed up and stored out the back for safety, floor to ceiling, which also means that while safe, I am unable to do any stocktake or find anything.... its all in boxes, so that's really frustrating.

Manon (friend of EA) and my flatmate Em helping me to pull up the damp carpet. We figured, even if I can't be back in the place until the roof is fixed, we can at least take out the main culprit for the horrible damp smell.

A pile of my paintings which are unable to be sold.

Carpet up, next stage is to get a really good dust mask and start painting.

I've relocated my students to the local cafe All Bar One for classes at the moment since I can't hold them instore (I ain't making no kids sick man). It's quite nice actually. The weather has been amazing lately so we're out under the awnings with the breeze, drinking coffee and painting.... pretty darn good feeling right there.

Still doing the markets once a month at the Olive Tree, but I'm wondering if it is tenable. The rent has risen and business has been slow (my own malaise? Less customers? who knows?) so it's getting tough. Going to put in a full effort for the next one, make a whole buttload of stuff and hope I do well enough.

Because the wood around the window was mouldy and the shop looked strange half empty and torn up, a lovely green cover is now holding place until things change (oh cross your fingers for me, I am so dying to have my beautiful studio open again).

Took some time out with my sister Cas down at Balmoral beach last weekend. So beautiful down there, did a lot of sketching.

and speaking of relaxation...
This is my to read pile :P


Ali J said...

I just came across your blog and felt compelled to write to you.
I know what you are going through, I can totally relate.
Last year my partner dumped me after 6 years due to lost of trust (as in me not being able to trust him). He took everything, I was on the borderline of losing our house, lost half of my pets, had no job, no money, borderline of losing my business... and of course I lost what I thought was the love of my life.
I stuck it out. I went back to studying. I took time out from everything. I had a mental breakdown. I went online. I met someone. 6 weeks later I was pregnant. He moved in, we lived so happily together. Then in January he had no job, we lost our home, we had to move in with my parents. We're still here waiting for that job, but now have a delightful baby daughter to share our lives with.
Life will always have crap thrown at you, it is how you recover that takes the most courage. You can be angry at others, frustrated or sad, but at the end of the day you are the only one responsible for what path you take in your life next.
Don't forget that things happen for a reason, they make us stronger and able to tackle the next hurdle. You aren't alone. It is sad that your relationship with your parents has been damaged by it. Parents mean their best, but don't always respond to us the way that we need. We still have our run ins but we make up afterwards. And if I have a problem I go to them first.
I recommend if you are still having a rough time to see a counsellor. I've just started to go to one after the birth of my daughter as the stresses are weighing me down. I highly recommend it. There are plenty of womens health clinics out there offering cheap sessions, or even free. You have no idea how helpful it is to talk to someone and have them listen.
But don't forget you have friends, and use your blog as your outlet if you need to.
Sending you hugs. xx

Emerald Arts said...

Wow Ali, you really do know what I went through... and then some! What a beautiful message to come out of the ether, thankyou so much for writing to me. I'm just sorry that I took so long to get back to you, I really need to check out this blog more often :)

A lot has changed since I wrote this post. I've been going to tafe and reading a lot, drawing a lot, painting not enough (oh how I miss my studio ;). Been working on my relationship with my parents, which is markedly better since the ex is out of the picture. They saw him a lot better than I did, I didn't want to hear it. A lot easier to have those conversations now that I don't start bawling every time his name is mentioned. Helps so much to have them back again.

My friends are wonderful, as hopefully yours are, but I think you're right, I should go talk to a counsellor, always helps to have an impartial opinion. I get sick a fair bit due to food allergies, which can get me down, so it sounds like a very good idea to find someone who can help me reduce the bad feelings that my body feeling horrid gives my brain.

Anyway, I have an essay to write so I'll stop wittering and just say thankyou so much again, it really does mean the world that you took the time out to write to me.

<3 Em